One Down, the Future Awaits

When things are finished, there is a mix of emotions. I follow the NFL with passion and can understand what it must be like for players who go all the way to the Super Bowl and either win or lose. The emotions on both ends are quite powerful and you are unsure just what to do next. The winners can revel in their victory; the losers can wallow in their sorrow; the coaches have to hurry up and get ready for the Draft and Free Agency; and the fans are elated but soon realize there is no more football for months. The real players don't do much reveling or wallowing. They feel a sense of satisfaction for a job well done (or almost done) and get back to work for next year. Why? Because the joy of being on top of the mountain is the journey along the way. I believe that. As a matter of fact, I'm living that.
The way things work here at Fuller (at least for the moment) is that you have a Seminar one Quarter and the major thrust of the Seminar is for you to do a 30-40 page research paper. They automatically give you an extension at the end of the Seminar Quarter and you have until the end of the next Quarter to finish the paper. My first Seminar was in the Fall and class finished in December. I have two weeks left in this Quarter to finish the paper. As of this weekend, I won't need them. When I finish writing this entry I will take my 44 pages and turn them into my Professor. It is finished. My very first PhD research paper. If I don't get an A on it, my PhD work will be off to a rough start. If I don't get at least a B on it, I may be asked to leave the program. No pressure though (LOL). I think it is a good paper. I guess if you can write 44 pages about just the introduction to the sermon and integrate your ideas with four major theorists in the field of Practical Theology, you should feel good about it.
However, mostly what I feel is not elation or even satisfaction. It is the desire to get back to work on the next project. I was up late last night getting my next paper together for the Seminar I am taking this Quarter. It's not due until end of May but, I am ready to begin. I love the journey. One of the great blessing of being a believer in Jesus Christ is that I can be freed of those things, those sins that tie me down and cause me to center on my past and my past failures. By His Grace I am free to look ahead. I am looking forward to the next leg in the journey. More joys await!

The Neo-Natal Unit at McDonald's

I spent the last 5 hours at McDonald's. And it has been some of the best hours I have spent in weeks. Let me tell you why.
I have tinnitus in my left ear. For the uninitiated, tinnitus is a condition where you have a ringing in your ear that persists. Sometimes louder, sometimes so soft as to be unnoticed - but it is always there. For that reason, absolute quiet can sometimes be most distracting for me. Going to the Library works much of the time. Being where there is "ambient" noise (background noise) works very well for me. Today, my ear was going pretty good when I got to McDonald's to eat lunch. The "musac" playing was soft and soothing, the noise from the serving area was not overwhelming and the eating area very small and not crowded (even the ordering area was outside). All in all, good conditions for me. I started reading one of my textbooks and, 5 hours later, I got up and came home.
The textbook is a history of preaching. It may not seem like a page turner to most of you but it read better than a Robert Ludlum mystery to me. I learned more today about the history of the Church of God Movement and the way in which both the Church of God and me as a preacher, function than at any point in my life. It was revelatory. I feel like I am on a high. Learning things that I should know but have never discovered. It's like being on an archaeological dig and finding buried treasures from centuries ago. I have been in a living museum of history and I have found things that others may know but I have never understood. It has been exciting. McDonald's hold a higher spot on my places of importance than it ever has before!
To me, that is why learning fascinates me. It is the "aha" moment when discovery overwhelms you and you see things around you in a new and different light. It's like experience the drama of conversion all over again. You enter into a book thinking one thing and being sure of other things and by the time you get up from the "altar" of reading, you are a new creature and the old has passed away. "Behold all things become new!"
My daughter-in-law, Maria, has just gotten a new position within her hospital. She is moving from the ICU to the Neo-natal unit. She is excited because she is moving from a place where sick people come in and either die from the seriousness of their problems or recover enough to go out into a regular room for full recovery. Either way, she sees little of their lives and little of the satisfaction that comes from full recovery. Now she goes to care for infants. Granted, some may be so serious that the end results will be hard to take. On the other hand, she gets to see hope, healing, full recovery, and families reunited to go home and share in the joy of being together as one. She feels renewed by the change. I guess that's what McDonald's was to me today. It was a Neo-natal unit of discovery and birth. I was renewed and changed by what I read.
Everyone should have times of refreshment and healing. Someone once said that being being in a rut and being in the grave is that, in a rut, the ends are knocked out. Been in a rut lately? Not had any "aha" moments? Find a book, open the Bible, see a movie that challenges your thinking, join a discussion group, go to a real bible study, find an exciting place to worship, have a season of uninterrupted prayer - do something that gets you out of the rut and, well, over to the Neo-natal unit at McDonald's. It's a trip worth making.

On Becoming the Cloud: The Life of Dr. Robert Reardon

When my father died in 1980, I preached his funeral. One of the things I said at the conclusion of my sermon was, "Goodnight, Dad, I'll see you in the morning." It was one of those things I always said to my father as I headed up the stairs at night. It seemed to be the most appropriate thing to say. There were some family and friends to whom that statement meant a lot. It still resonates with me.

Last Saturday I received word that one of my favorite people, one of my mentors, someone who greatly influenced my life and career, Dr. Robert Reardon, passed away. I just spent some time listening to part of his funeral on the Anderson Herald website. It was moving, sad, celebrative, and powerful. But, then again, that was Dr. Reardon. A few years back he told me we had reached the place where I could call him Bob. My reply? "Thank you, Dr. Reardon, that means a lot to me." I never did call him Bob. I never called my Dad, Frank, either. It just didn't seem right. They had earned their titles and I respected them greatly. Back in the 90's I had the privilege of having Dr. Reardon come to the church that I pastored in Fresno during the 100th Anniversary of the church. It was a great time. He did a fantastic job. I was proud to be able to introduce him and call him friend. And today, as the final chapter closes on his life, I still am.

I was wondering, what happens to you when you die? Simple question that has baffled humans since we first came of being. I think I know in part. I think you become a cloud. No, I don't think you become some puffy wisp of white in a sky of blue. Not that kind of cloud. I think you become part of the cloud. I think that's where Dr. Reardon is now. He is not a cloud, but he is part of the cloud. I'm still not sure you've got what I mean yet. Maybe this will help. Here is a passage from the New Testament - Hebrews 12
"1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

Yep, I think that's where Bob Reardon is. He is part of that great cloud of witnesses that surround us all, that encourage us to reach for greater things than what we have done thus far. He is part of the entourage that includes my Dad and he is encouraging me. He is now part of the cloud that continues to inspire me. One day I hope to join that cloud and root you on in your lives - my friends, children, students, parishoners, anyone who needs someone to surround them and help them run the race without failing. I want to be part of the cloud. And like Dr. Reardon, I plan to start now. I don't want to wait until death comes knocking to become part of the cloud. So, I hope you are all feeling encouraged by this. Like my Dad before me and my mentor, Dr. Reardon, let me tell you what they told me. I believe in you. Keep up the good work! And if you ever need a helping hand, I'll be there. Be encouraged. As long as I live, I want to be part of the cloud. And after I die, I want to join the throng and be part of that great cloud of witnesses. But until that day comes, let me say just one more thing about my friend, Dr. Robert H. Reardon. "Goodnight, Dr. Reardon, I will see you in the morning."

Growing Older

While you may not be interested in reading about this subject I can guarantee you that I am even less interested in writing about it. But, reality and honesty make certain demands upon reflection and this is one of them. So, have a laugh at us, because here we go.
Joanie has finally gotten health insurance. After teaching at the school since August and being assured that she would be on from the beginning, she has just received her card. Very frustrating. To the credit of the school, they have picked up the cost of her medicines in the interim, but she could not see a doctor during that time. Well, she has now. And that doctor has sent her to a orthopedic surgeon. Her hip has become more and more painful; her limp more and more pronounced; and her pain meds less and less helpful. They will try and find a better pain med or look for surgical options to help her condition.
I am suffering from diverticulousis. I had a bout with it a few years back and it has reared its ugly head again. Common courtesy refrain me from describing the condition other than it feels like you have to go all the time and you can't and even if you do it doesn't change things very much. If things don't improve, I will be going to the Dr. soon.
My kids laugh at me when I talk about such things. They lovingly refer to me as, "the Old Man" and tell me they won't be very kind to me in my senior years. I usually respond that I will haunt them, even after I die, and seek revenge on them in some post-Poltergeist way. In the midst of all of this, one of my new parishioners asked last Sunday about the question of Divine Healing. He has not gotten over the death of his mother and the suffering she went through before she died. Which brings me to the question, "Should we pray for God to heal us?"
The simple answer is, "Of course, we should and we will!" The deeper question is, "Do we expect God to heal us?" That is tougher still. Do I believe God can heal? Yes. Do I believe God will heal us? Hmmmm. That's a different question, but not for the reasons you may think. The real issue is the word "will heal" in the question. It smacks to me of ordering God around. Or it seems to say that God operates by formula rather than by virtue of his concern for the whole world and not just his concern for me. I believe God will do what he wills. If he heals me, I will rejoice that it is His will. If he does not heal me, I will find how to carry this (and Joanie will find how to carry her maladies) in a way that will bring glory to God. You see, the ultimate reality for us is not whether we suffer or not. We have found that suffering is part and parcel of life no matter who you are. The question is how to find meaning and faithfulness in the midst of suffering. I have suffered at the hands of unjust men and women who have falsely accused me of many things; I have suffered at the hands of disease that attacks my body; I have suffered humiliation by my own foolishness and decisions. The question is always how you go through it not whether or not it comes.
Anyway, I do not relish living with diverticulousis nor does Joanie like the limping and the pain in her arthritic hip. But it won't stop us or sour us. We just go on. And we plan to stay around and haunt our kids for a long, long time!

Anna Nicole Smith

She was odd, quirky, immoral, confused, impressionable, vain, selfish, self-centered, a gold digger, famous, exhibitionist, beautiful, drug infected, implanted, weight yo-yoing, famous for being famous kind of girl. She was every man's fantasy and everyone's nightmare. She was out-of-control in ways that boggle the imagination. She was Rachel, Eve, Rahab, and Mary Magdalene all wrapped up into one. She was the poster child for human kind without limits and without controls. Early on she bought into the Playboy philosophy and adopted the Playboy lifestyle. Not only did she pose nude for the magazine but she threw everything else she had ever learned about values in church or from her family and friends out the window. She lived for herself and for herself alone. Here is where she ended up.
She was living in a hotel because she had no where else to live. She was kicked out of a home of a friend because she didn't pay any rent when it came due. Her son, whom she treated like a suitor rather than a child, OD'd a few months back on the day of her unwed child's birth. She died from who know's what reason (the autopsy is yet to be finalized for a few more weeks) but she leaves behind multiple lovers fighting over the custody of a child they all believe is there own. A child who is the potential heir to tens of millions of dollars if they lawsuits pan out. An infant child only months old who will have as tough a road to go as any child born today. She probably doesn't have a will (do you?) and who knows what will happen to the child or to the estate. My guess is that the only people who will get rich off of this is the lawyers. It is a sad tale.
She was laughed at by most. Her behavior was as odd and unusual as it gets for Hollywierd. But Anna Nicole Smith is no laughing matter. She is what happens when sin goes wild; when you live life with no limits or values; when you live for self and no one else; when you throw caution to the wind and live life in the fast lane. She died young like Marilyn Monroe (with whom she will be compared, I'm sure). She will live forever as the voluptuous vixen of our age. And they will all too soon forget the devastation of others lives that will be left in her wake. She is no hero. She is no villan. She is a sad caricatured of what life is like without being grounded by faith or wisdom or intellect or hope. She will be the headline on the news for months and maybe even years. She will eventually be redeemed by the press over the years. They always do. But for now, remember her with sadness and thank God that you have a better grasp of life because of His love in your life. Amen

Is It Failure When You Try?

Well, is it? We tell our kids its acceptable to give it your best try even if they are successful. We try telling that to our boss and we get fired or demoted. We tell our kids it's OK even when they do fail. We try to tell that to ourselves when we hit the car in front of us because we failed to yield the right of way. Coaches don't always grant us success when we make the error, whiff at the pitch, throw the interception, make the fumble, throw up an air ball. Neither do professors.
Last Tuesday we had a lengthy discussion with the guy who teaches Hebrew. He is not a professor and is still trying to figure out how to pursue his doctorate. He has made this very hard this quarter and he the work is starting to overwhelm us all. He simply says, "That's graduate work" and leaves it at that. Not my idea of a worthwhile teacher. He has the tendency to teach to those who are advanced in their study of Hebrew and leave the other students behind. I get very frustrated.
One of the things you are forced to do is choose which things to really study in preparation for the quiz we have each period. Tonight, I studied the wrong thing. I got to class to take the test and it had the one thing on it I was not prepared to do. I tried to do the translation . . . but I failed. And, trust me, it is failure even if you try in Hebrew! Don't worry, I haven't failed the course or bombed the whole thing. It's just one grade and it will get thrown out as my lowest. I am not beating myself up and crying in my soup! But sometimes, failure is just failure. It may spur you on to do better (and this one will) but it is still a failure. It doesn't define who I am and what I am about. Sometimes failure is just failure - and that's OK. Don't it let it get you down. I'm sure Jesus knows all about it. He is used to us failing. As long as we don't become complacent about it, my guess is it's all right. I will still succeed (even at Hebrew). Just pick it up, suck it up, and go on. Failure doesn't define you. And it won't define me. Amen.

Up, Up, and Away

I haven't posted anything lately because I wanted to let everyone catch up with the news about Joel and Shafali. If you haven't read about it, look at the post below.

I got an email last week from someone in the administration of the School of Theology here at Fuller. They wanted to know if I would want to teach what is called a Preaching Practicum during the Spring Quarter. As you might suspect, I was excited. Well, today I found out they want me to teach two sections of the Preaching Practicum and that will mean I will be hired as an Adjunct Faculty. They also inquired about my availability for the summer and that they may want me to do several intensives during the summer. The Practicums are much like the small group experiences that I am currently doing as a TA for Homiletics Class. However, it looks much better on your resume to put you were an Adjunct Faculty at Fuller than just being a TA. The woman with whom I spoke told me I had been enthusiastically recommended by the preaching faculty. How nice is that to hear?
We also received in the mail a notice of a reception following the service Sunday at the Santa Ana Church. We knew about this because the patriarch of the church , Rev. Al Shackleton, is having an 89th birthday party. What we didn't know until we got the notice was that the dinner and reception is being given in our honor as well. It seems that they consider us their new pastors. In reality, I am only an interim pastor but it is a long term situation for us. The nice part about it is that we have a lot of freedom in the situation and very little responsibility for the leadership/administration of the church. Considering my situation at seminary, it is a real blessing not to have any greater responsibility than preaching on Sunday morning.
Somehow, this seems like the best kind of combinations for me. I continue to learn about the whole history and philosophy of preaching while still practicing the craft on a weekly basis. It makes sense to me to be both a teacher and a practitioner of the craft. So, here we go. I am on the track to becoming a professor even as I learn how to be a scholar in the area of homiletics. If this is liftoff, then I am up, up, and away. I don't know where this journey will end, but I can see now that it is off the ground and pointed in the right direction.
May your know that you, too, are on a journey. You may be coming in for a landing or orbiting around; you could be lifting off the pad or on your way to a specific destination. Wherever you are, know that the journey, like the ministry of Jesus, is in process and it will continue long after your journey comes to an end. It keeps going, even after you and I go "up, up, and away".