Stress the Halls!

Why are the holidays so stressful? Let me hazard a few guesses.

1. Fantasizing: I think an amazing amount of people fantasize about what the holidays are going to be like. We paint the rosiest and most amazing portraits of what it will be like on Christmas Day and the days leading up to it. Many families gather together from around the country and the fantasy of what it will be like often does not meet the reality of people who are struggling with life, failing at finances, or stressed out from work or school.
   
2. Schedules: We don't think about schedules and how they affect us until they go awry. Holidays are all about scheduling. When will we arrive? Where will we stay? How long will we be there? When will everyone else arrive so we can get started? Who made up this schedule, anyway? Let's face it, we all married people different than who we are and then we had children who grew up and married someone different than they are who have children who are . . . well, you get the picture. All these folks in a close space with differing traditions, personalities, schedules, and interests. It has the potential for great stress.
3. Unfamiliar Territory: Most holiday celebrations occur on unfamiliar territory. Either we go to someone else's home turf or we have people in that change the dynamic of our home and household. Either way, we end up in unfamiliar territory. What do we do? Well, we either bite our lip and go with the flow (at which point when we finally get alone or on our way home, we swear we will never do that again) or we have the blowup - like the Colonel (Al Pacino) does in "Scent of a Woman" where he blows in and blows up the Thanksgiving Dinner.
   

Well, with all that, how do you cope? How do you make the holidays less stressful? I hazard a few hard fought suggestions:

1. Lower the Expectations: Don't go in thinking this is going to be the best Christmas ever. It's hard to top the first one for drama and impossible to exceed the one you think of from your past that was the best Christmas you ever had. Let it be what it is. A gathering. Enjoy the moment. If it exceeds your expectations, all the better. If it doesn't then at least it wasn't so far below your hopes and dreams that you find yourself fighting a deep depression or resentment.
2. Spread Out the Attention: Let others have their time in the sun. Like worship, Christmas is not about you, is it? If you don't have to be catered to, it will be amazing how much less stress their is around the season. If others have a desire for something to take place, fine. If that makes them happy, let it make you happy, too. If you aren't at the center of your plans, you might have a better time.
   
3. Get to Know One Another: One of the problems families often have around the season is that they gather for one of the few times during the year. In reality, you live separate lives. Cell phones have sure helped us to stay in touch but it is nothing like conversation face to face. The problem is, we don't know what to talk about when we get together. So, since we have different experiences that aren't the same and don't relate, conversation becomes tough to maintain. Here are few ideas:
• Be OK with periods of silence when together. After all, when you were all living together there were many periods of silence. They weren't awkward then, don't let them be now.
• Ask questions instead of telling about yourself. If you really want to know what is going on with someone else, let them do the talking. Tray a few of these:
• What was the best thing about this year for you? For your family?
• What was your best Christmas growing up?
• What one tradition did you and your family have around the holidays (good one to ask the in-laws)?
• Who is the most interesting person you have met in the last few months? Why were they so interesting?
• What is the best thing about your church? What's the most challenging thing? What would you like to see changed about your church? How do you plan to change it?
• If you could have seen one thing during Jesus' life with your own eyes, what would it have been?

Well, I hope these help. Everyone could use some help at Christmas. After all, even Mary and Joesph had to go through the stress of traveling (while pregnant), getting stiffed on their hotel reservations, early delivery, and strangers coming to visit at the most inopportune time. Merry Christmas!