Saturday, February 17, 2007

Growing Older

While you may not be interested in reading about this subject I can guarantee you that I am even less interested in writing about it. But, reality and honesty make certain demands upon reflection and this is one of them. So, have a laugh at us, because here we go.
Joanie has finally gotten health insurance. After teaching at the school since August and being assured that she would be on from the beginning, she has just received her card. Very frustrating. To the credit of the school, they have picked up the cost of her medicines in the interim, but she could not see a doctor during that time. Well, she has now. And that doctor has sent her to a orthopedic surgeon. Her hip has become more and more painful; her limp more and more pronounced; and her pain meds less and less helpful. They will try and find a better pain med or look for surgical options to help her condition.
I am suffering from diverticulousis. I had a bout with it a few years back and it has reared its ugly head again. Common courtesy refrain me from describing the condition other than it feels like you have to go all the time and you can't and even if you do it doesn't change things very much. If things don't improve, I will be going to the Dr. soon.
My kids laugh at me when I talk about such things. They lovingly refer to me as, "the Old Man" and tell me they won't be very kind to me in my senior years. I usually respond that I will haunt them, even after I die, and seek revenge on them in some post-Poltergeist way. In the midst of all of this, one of my new parishioners asked last Sunday about the question of Divine Healing. He has not gotten over the death of his mother and the suffering she went through before she died. Which brings me to the question, "Should we pray for God to heal us?"
The simple answer is, "Of course, we should and we will!" The deeper question is, "Do we expect God to heal us?" That is tougher still. Do I believe God can heal? Yes. Do I believe God will heal us? Hmmmm. That's a different question, but not for the reasons you may think. The real issue is the word "will heal" in the question. It smacks to me of ordering God around. Or it seems to say that God operates by formula rather than by virtue of his concern for the whole world and not just his concern for me. I believe God will do what he wills. If he heals me, I will rejoice that it is His will. If he does not heal me, I will find how to carry this (and Joanie will find how to carry her maladies) in a way that will bring glory to God. You see, the ultimate reality for us is not whether we suffer or not. We have found that suffering is part and parcel of life no matter who you are. The question is how to find meaning and faithfulness in the midst of suffering. I have suffered at the hands of unjust men and women who have falsely accused me of many things; I have suffered at the hands of disease that attacks my body; I have suffered humiliation by my own foolishness and decisions. The question is always how you go through it not whether or not it comes.
Anyway, I do not relish living with diverticulousis nor does Joanie like the limping and the pain in her arthritic hip. But it won't stop us or sour us. We just go on. And we plan to stay around and haunt our kids for a long, long time!

Friday, February 9, 2007

Anna Nicole Smith

She was odd, quirky, immoral, confused, impressionable, vain, selfish, self-centered, a gold digger, famous, exhibitionist, beautiful, drug infected, implanted, weight yo-yoing, famous for being famous kind of girl. She was every man's fantasy and everyone's nightmare. She was out-of-control in ways that boggle the imagination. She was Rachel, Eve, Rahab, and Mary Magdalene all wrapped up into one. She was the poster child for human kind without limits and without controls. Early on she bought into the Playboy philosophy and adopted the Playboy lifestyle. Not only did she pose nude for the magazine but she threw everything else she had ever learned about values in church or from her family and friends out the window. She lived for herself and for herself alone. Here is where she ended up.
She was living in a hotel because she had no where else to live. She was kicked out of a home of a friend because she didn't pay any rent when it came due. Her son, whom she treated like a suitor rather than a child, OD'd a few months back on the day of her unwed child's birth. She died from who know's what reason (the autopsy is yet to be finalized for a few more weeks) but she leaves behind multiple lovers fighting over the custody of a child they all believe is there own. A child who is the potential heir to tens of millions of dollars if they lawsuits pan out. An infant child only months old who will have as tough a road to go as any child born today. She probably doesn't have a will (do you?) and who knows what will happen to the child or to the estate. My guess is that the only people who will get rich off of this is the lawyers. It is a sad tale.
She was laughed at by most. Her behavior was as odd and unusual as it gets for Hollywierd. But Anna Nicole Smith is no laughing matter. She is what happens when sin goes wild; when you live life with no limits or values; when you live for self and no one else; when you throw caution to the wind and live life in the fast lane. She died young like Marilyn Monroe (with whom she will be compared, I'm sure). She will live forever as the voluptuous vixen of our age. And they will all too soon forget the devastation of others lives that will be left in her wake. She is no hero. She is no villan. She is a sad caricatured of what life is like without being grounded by faith or wisdom or intellect or hope. She will be the headline on the news for months and maybe even years. She will eventually be redeemed by the press over the years. They always do. But for now, remember her with sadness and thank God that you have a better grasp of life because of His love in your life. Amen

Thursday, February 8, 2007

Is It Failure When You Try?

Well, is it? We tell our kids its acceptable to give it your best try even if they are successful. We try telling that to our boss and we get fired or demoted. We tell our kids it's OK even when they do fail. We try to tell that to ourselves when we hit the car in front of us because we failed to yield the right of way. Coaches don't always grant us success when we make the error, whiff at the pitch, throw the interception, make the fumble, throw up an air ball. Neither do professors.
Last Tuesday we had a lengthy discussion with the guy who teaches Hebrew. He is not a professor and is still trying to figure out how to pursue his doctorate. He has made this very hard this quarter and he the work is starting to overwhelm us all. He simply says, "That's graduate work" and leaves it at that. Not my idea of a worthwhile teacher. He has the tendency to teach to those who are advanced in their study of Hebrew and leave the other students behind. I get very frustrated.
One of the things you are forced to do is choose which things to really study in preparation for the quiz we have each period. Tonight, I studied the wrong thing. I got to class to take the test and it had the one thing on it I was not prepared to do. I tried to do the translation . . . but I failed. And, trust me, it is failure even if you try in Hebrew! Don't worry, I haven't failed the course or bombed the whole thing. It's just one grade and it will get thrown out as my lowest. I am not beating myself up and crying in my soup! But sometimes, failure is just failure. It may spur you on to do better (and this one will) but it is still a failure. It doesn't define who I am and what I am about. Sometimes failure is just failure - and that's OK. Don't it let it get you down. I'm sure Jesus knows all about it. He is used to us failing. As long as we don't become complacent about it, my guess is it's all right. I will still succeed (even at Hebrew). Just pick it up, suck it up, and go on. Failure doesn't define you. And it won't define me. Amen.

Saturday, February 3, 2007

Up, Up, and Away

I haven't posted anything lately because I wanted to let everyone catch up with the news about Joel and Shafali. If you haven't read about it, look at the post below.

I got an email last week from someone in the administration of the School of Theology here at Fuller. They wanted to know if I would want to teach what is called a Preaching Practicum during the Spring Quarter. As you might suspect, I was excited. Well, today I found out they want me to teach two sections of the Preaching Practicum and that will mean I will be hired as an Adjunct Faculty. They also inquired about my availability for the summer and that they may want me to do several intensives during the summer. The Practicums are much like the small group experiences that I am currently doing as a TA for Homiletics Class. However, it looks much better on your resume to put you were an Adjunct Faculty at Fuller than just being a TA. The woman with whom I spoke told me I had been enthusiastically recommended by the preaching faculty. How nice is that to hear?
We also received in the mail a notice of a reception following the service Sunday at the Santa Ana Church. We knew about this because the patriarch of the church , Rev. Al Shackleton, is having an 89th birthday party. What we didn't know until we got the notice was that the dinner and reception is being given in our honor as well. It seems that they consider us their new pastors. In reality, I am only an interim pastor but it is a long term situation for us. The nice part about it is that we have a lot of freedom in the situation and very little responsibility for the leadership/administration of the church. Considering my situation at seminary, it is a real blessing not to have any greater responsibility than preaching on Sunday morning.
Somehow, this seems like the best kind of combinations for me. I continue to learn about the whole history and philosophy of preaching while still practicing the craft on a weekly basis. It makes sense to me to be both a teacher and a practitioner of the craft. So, here we go. I am on the track to becoming a professor even as I learn how to be a scholar in the area of homiletics. If this is liftoff, then I am up, up, and away. I don't know where this journey will end, but I can see now that it is off the ground and pointed in the right direction.
May your know that you, too, are on a journey. You may be coming in for a landing or orbiting around; you could be lifting off the pad or on your way to a specific destination. Wherever you are, know that the journey, like the ministry of Jesus, is in process and it will continue long after your journey comes to an end. It keeps going, even after you and I go "up, up, and away".

Thursday, January 25, 2007

It's Amazing


I don't know if any of you recognize what this grainy, br0wnish, looking pic is - but I thought I would tell you a little about it. As I write this blog I am always amazed at the advancements in technology that affect our lives. When I was a senior in High School, I needed a class to fill out my schedule. I had all my required and necessary courses and was looking for something easy to do. I ended up taking a typing course (yes, on an old manual typewriter). I guess I thought I might need to type a paper or something for college. Well, it was the most valuable course I ever took in High School. Now I type quite well and use it all the time. Here I am on a computer typing away to all of you communicating instantaneously through the medium of the Net!

OK, so back to the picture. Surely there are better quality pictures we can take in this modern era than one that looks like this. However, once you realize that it is a picture taken of the inside and not the outside, it becomes more technologically amazing. For you are looking at the 6 week old child of Joel and Shafali Frymire. We are happy, as the already proud grandparents, to announce that our son will be having our first grandchild scheduled due date is September 16 - but we are working at backing that up a couple of weeks so that Joanie and I can be there. We'll see how that goes!

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Being in Charge vs. Being Responsible

One of the first things they told us during Orientation last September was that we, the PhD students, were responsible for our program. Not the CATS Office (Center for Advanced Theological Studies) - as a matter of fact it was the head of the CATS Office that told us this -; not the professors; not your mentor; not Fuller Seminary - you are responsible for developing and arranging your PhD program. I am finding out how true that is.
I am also finding out that there is a difference between being in charge and being responsible. While those two things go hand in hand at times, for the most part they do not. I am not in charge of my PhD program but I am responsible for it. And I like that. I like being responsible for things while not necessarily being in charge of them. After 30 years in the pastorate, I felt like I was in charge of little and responsible for much. However, my responsibilities were often more dependent on others and other things then they were my responsibilities. I think lots of pastors seek to be in charge of things so that they can control them better because they feel like, if I am the one who is ultimately in responsible for the outcome, I might as well be the one making all the decisions. Bill Parcells, the Dallas Cowboys head coach, once told the press that he wanted to be both the head coach and the general manager of the club. When asked why his reply was, "If you're going to cook the meal you ought be the one shopping for the groceries". He wanted to both choose which players to draft, sign and re-sign to contracts as well as determine which of those players should play which positions. Nice thought, huh? Well, it didn't work out for him and I don't think it has worked out for any other coach. There is a difference between being in charge and being responsible.
Next quarter (Spring Quarter) I am responsible for finding a seminar to take. My mentor is on Sabbatical and won't be available to do a seminar or reading with me. None of the current offerings in the PhD program for the spring will fit with what I want to do. Enter Dr. Todd Johnson. Todd is the Worship professor at Fuller. He is able and willing to do a seminar with me in preaching (part of his degree qualifies him to teach preaching as well). So, with excitement I asked what we could do for a directed reading seminar (meaning, just me and him and books to read and a paper to write). Well, he told me that I needed to put down a list of what I might want to study. In other words, I'm responsible but he's in charge. I like that. I am putting that list together for him and it will probably include learning about John Wesley and maybe some of the other reformers like George Whitfield or Francis Asbury. It might also be that I would be able to study somethings from the 19th century revivalistic movement (I am doing a report on Wednesday for this seminar on Charles Finney, the great revivalistic preacher of the 19th century). Whatever happens, I will be responsible for coming up with an area that I want to study and Todd will be in charge of how that ultimately looks. I like it that way. I don't mind cooking, I just like it when someone else does the shopping.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Affirmation Part II

I went to Santa Ana today. I have been preaching there for several weeks and will be preaching every Sunday for the near future. This is a small group of about 20 people who have been through a very difficult time that is more complicated than I know and more painful than I can imagine. They are holding on and remaining faithful in spite of enormous hurdles.
Every week that Joanie and I attend and share, the people continually thank us for coming. They apologize for the small numbers and are genuinely grateful for our coming and doing this. I confess that I have two reasons for taking on this assignment. First, since I am studying homiletics, it seems wise to "keep my hand in" the preaching scene as I study. Second, I get paid for the responsibility of preaching there and in our current situation, the money helps pay the costs of going to school. The situation fits us in the sense that all they want me to do is come and preach. I have no pastoral or organizational responsibilities (their retired pastor, who is in his 80's and pastored them for more than 30 years is there and fulfills the pastoral roles). So, it is a match for both of us. Joanie and I travel the 45 miles to Santa Ana every Sunday morning and then come home after church. They have no Sunday School because they share their building with a thriving Hispanic Church of God that takes responsibility for the upkeep and development of the facility. While we worship, they have Sunday School. While they worship, we fellowship and drink coffee. Sounds ideal to me.
The reason I bring all this up is that they are the most appreciative and grateful group of folks I have ever been around. They have two adult couples, several single middle aged adults and a few senior adults and around 3-6 youth that attend regularly. They love us and are very appreciative of our coming. They apologize and find it amazing that someone would come all that distance to preach for them and do a good job in the pulpit. As for me, I find the atmosphere of affirmation and appreciation to be a refreshing change. Having spent the last several years in a church that often criticized more than it affirmed, it is fun to be in a place that affirms and chooses not to criticize. I wish I could go back to those who in both my previous church (or churches) and to those who attend church who feel that "keeping the pastor in check" is the role of the laity. I never did respond well to being the center of criticism and negativism. The reality is that I would work harder, pray more, and study deeper in an atmosphere where folks affirmed than I would do in an atmosphere of backbiting and gossip. I suppose most pastors (or any other human being) would too. I just wish people understood how powerful affirming can be. So, when these good folks at Santa Ana apologize for having so few people, I simply reply, "It is a privilege and a pleasure to preach for you". And, I really mean it.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Appreciation and Affirmation

I have received some wonderful compliments over the past few days. If it doesn't sound too much like ego or bragging, I thought I might share a few of these things here. Here we go:
A friend of mine in ministry, Rev. Greg Kendall from Colorado, called the other day and he was on his way to Fuller for a DMin seminar. The DMin program is designed for pastors who want to further their education but have no real plans to teach (you have to be in a local ministry setting to even get into the program). Anyway, one of his teachers for the seminar is one of the professors that I am a TA for and who taught us last quarter in my PhD. seminar. Dr. Branson and Greg were talking and Greg mentioned our friendship. Dr. Branson's response was, "Jeff's a very bright student". Now, that was very nice to hear.
A few days ago my mentor, Dr. Clay Schmit, had me make a special presentation in our PhD. seminar. He asked me to review my book and give the students a chance to react and respond. After class, he told me what a good job I had done both in the book and in the class report. After hearing my report, he asked me to share an OT story from memory with his homiletics class. After that class, Clay told me that he wanted me to team teach a class with him next Fall or Winter. It is not something he does very often with one of his students. The last time he did it was with a student who is now a professor of homiletics in Michigan.
What does all this mean? Well, it's nice to be complimented and to be affirmed. Actually, it is more than nice - it is necessary. Every person needs to be loved. To be loved is one of the most basic of human needs. Affirmation and appreciation are a basic part of the "being loved" process. So far, so good. Now comes the next step.
We live in an age when believers and non-believers spend countless hours and billions of dollars on psychiatry, psychology, counseling, therapy, mood altering drugs, self help books that try to get others to like you, Dr. Phil, Jerry Springer, and Oprah. People are seeking to find a place and a group of people that are loving and affirming. And they are leaving the church in droves. Why?
The church is supposed to be a place where the love of God is not only talked about but lived out. Unfortunately, it is too often a place where love is given lip-service and gossip is the way of the day.
When was the last time someone called you a son or daughter of encouragement - or something like it? That's what they called Barnabas in the bible. He so encouraged others that they saw him as one who changed lives merely by his affirming of others. Over Christmas break, I thanked a saleswoman who had spent hours with me and my family helping us find gifts for Christmas. At one point the manager of the store came by and I told her what great personal service we had gotten from her employee. The act seemed to unusual that the store manager wrote it down. I just got an email from a fellow TA who I complimented to our professor in front of her. She is someone I really like and of whom I think highly. She was so grateful that she emailed me a personal thank you for saying something nice about her to someone else.
When did affirmation become so scarce in the Christian community that it is seen as unusual? When church problems and difficulties become more prevalent than affirmation and encouragement, the church is in deep trouble. When was the last time you told a family member, neighbor, co-worker, teacher, parent, child, or church member that you really appreciate them for who they are? If it takes a while to answer that, then it has been too long. Pick up phone, write an email, send a card, give a hug - something to let another human being know that you love them and appreciate them. It's not that hard. And it usually comes back to you in some other form - like a professor saying nice things about you. Try it. You might like it.

P.S. By the way, thanks for reading this blog. It is nice to know that there are those who take some of their precious time to read these meanderings. It means a lot to me. And I just wanted you to know that I appreciate you. Thanks.

Tuesday, January 9, 2007

Some Pics of Where We Are

Here are a few pics of the Fuller Pasadena Campus. Some family and friends have been curious, so here they are. It should give you a little bit of insight into my new home away from home.

The first one is of the main building (Peyton Hall). Fuller is more than 75 years old. It has a very stately and grand feel to it. Not big, but comfortable and quaint.

The second pic is the library. I've spent a few hours in there. PhD students can check up to 40 books out at a time and have them for 3 months. So far, I have about 20 or so that I have at home where I am working on about 3 major assignments - two for this quarter and I am still working on the major paper for the Fall Quarter. As a PhD student you have one additional quarter to work on your final paper - so that my Fall Seminar paper is due at the end of this Winter Quarter.

The third pic is of the CATS building. CATS is the Center for Advanced Theological Students. My classes, break times, fellowship, advisors, employment contacts, etc. are all in the building. They have a great staff (of two people) who help you at every step of the process. The CATS office is in the center of campus and a short walk from the parking lot. Parking in Pasadena is at a premium and you had better be careful parking on the streets. I wasn't today and have the parking ticket to prove it!

We Do Better Together

The hour is late and the morning comes early. Such is the lot in life of those of us who have too much to do and too little time to do it. But, it is a wonderful release to share your thoughts and so, before heading off for some rest, here are a few random thoughts.
Tomorrow I get to share an OT story in the homiletics class in which I am the TA. All these poor souls trying to learn how to preach have to endure listening to me do a five minute story about Elijah. Why? Well, on Thursday they have to meet with their small groups and in front of them and the TA (or it could be the professor!) they have to share an OT story - from memory, without notes. Tomorrow should be fun to share with them. I am telling the story of, "The Man From Nowhere" - dealing with the fact that Elijah came from Tishbe, and Tishbe is about as close to nowhere as you can get!
I spent about four hours with a classmate tonight translating Hebrew. He is very helpful to study alongside. He has already taken two years of Hebrew and knows tons more than I ever will. He is gracious to share his knowledge. He might pull me through. We will be beginning our translation of Jonah soon. That should be an adventure!
I guess I am learning that all learning requires some kind of dialogue. It is possible to do your PhD program couped up in your room reading books and writing papers. I can't do that. To me, the joy of learning is sharing with others and drawing strength and insight from others. That really is the concept of the church. I wonder why we don't see how sharing with others helps all of us become what God wants us to be. We sit in pews (how can you share with others when all you see is the back of their heads?), get there when the service has started and leave as soon as it ends. Collegial learning requires that we spend time with one another. After all, that's what we pray, hope, and expect God to do when we read the Word or pray. We want Him to show up and dialogue with us so that we can draw strength from Him and from His insight and wisdom. Maybe we should be better at practicing the same.

Sunday, January 7, 2007

Grading Papers

Well, after 8 hours today, I have finally finished grading the 30 or so papers that I was assigned over the break. It was a long process and . . . I really enjoyed it. After 30 years of meetings with nebulous goals and services with sometimes unknown results, here is a concrete experience of doing something that has a beginning, an end, a measuring tool, and a sense of definitive satisfaction. It might not sound like fun to others but it has a ring of satisfaction that I have craved over the many years of the pastorate.
In addition, I am a TA for two classes. I spend time meeting with students, organizing the work of the class, and, eventually, I will be meeting with and evaluating the preaching of about 8 students in a small groups setting. I love working with young men and women and investing in them as they seek to prepare for ministry. I even got 19 out of 20 on my Hebrew quiz. Not a bad end of the week. Now, all I have to do is preach in Santa Anna tomorrow, read two books by Wednesday, and do about 6 hours of Hebrew homework by Tuesday night. Ah, it's good to be alive!

Thursday, January 4, 2007

The Tough Things

Well, the second quarter of my PhD program is off to a quick start. The first night back (Jan. 2) I had Hebrew. We began the class with a quiz. I did not do well. I did not even crack the Hebrew book during the holidays. I wanted to - OK, not want but intended to. I even took my Hebrew materials with me to Indiana. Never opened them up. Now, I did write about 25 pages of my paper for the first quarter (it has to be about 35-40 pages) and I wrote a column for One Voice Magazine. So, I was not slothful! But I never got to the Hebrew. I graded about 30 papers for an MDiv class in which I am a TA (Teaching Assitant). I worked over the holidays. But not on Hebrew.
One of the toughest things we do is take on the tasks that we don't really enjoy. To do the things that have to be done regardless of the pull that the things you want to do have on you. Its called discipline. Its one of those things we all want and all lack. Some of us are better at it than others. I guess I fall about in the middle. Better at it than I was when I was younger but not as gung ho about it as some others I know.
I have the feeling that Jesus wanted to teach more than he wanted to die on a cross. I'm sure he enjoyed the disciples more than the Pharisees. I think he enjoyed the healing ministry more than he did the flogging from the Roman soldiers. Discipline has its price. Its not easy. Tom Hanks character in "League of Their Own" said of baseball, "It's hard. It's supposed to be hard. It's the hard that makes it great. If it wasn't hard, everyone could do it". That's what discipline really is, I guess. Jesus had it when we needed it. I hope to have when I need it most. At least, I hope to have enough of it to get through Hebrew. Wish me luck. I think I'll need it.